CAMP= SKINNY

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS the day I have been waiting for, to get away from my parents for a month, to starve, exercise, and just get away from food and any other worries. I am going to lose 20 pounds. Come on, that's only 5 pounds a week. You loser. That's never been done by the OLD you. This is the new you. You will be beautiful and thin. You have to create the new you.

Anyways this past week has been fucked up. Fuck you Ana, you left me again. This post will be sweet and short but I'll update with shit that no one cares about.

xoxo,
Ashley.

Binge, wah.

Well little Ashleyy fucked up once again. Fuck you Ana for not being there when I binged. You didn't even tell me not to eat. Where the fuck were you? I love you Ana but really, you've got to stop me. Ohhh okay I forgive you. I just want that power that you have to be so strong. I'm so weak.
Binge:
Grapes- the whole bunch
Cinnamon Toast Crunch- 2 servings
Almonds- a lotttttt
Kashi Pizza- 3 slices

BUT today I ran 4 miles, gah, I forgot how long 4 miles is. And I also did 100 crunches and I'll do 50 before bed. I'm off to Rochester tomorrow for my cousins wedding, she's marrying a NHL player! The guys at my school seem to like that. . . Hahaha. Hopefully I'll be able to restrict.

Xoxo
Ashleyy



LEGS.

A Secret Between Friends.

I just watched A Secret Between Friends and balled my eyes out at the end. For those of you that don't know what that movie is about, it's about a girl who moved to Seattle, around 15 or 16, and meets a girl named Jen on her volleyball team. The two quickly become friends, and from there on its a race to see who can lose the most weight, but they are in for the ride together. I don't want to give away the ending, but there is a tragedy and it is so sad, but there's also a lot of happy parts tooo so thats goood!!

Today was fucked up:
Bagel
&
Philly Cheese Steak

HORRIBLE. . .But I ran more than what it added up to off, i burned 1045 calories.
Tomorrow I'm fasting so I'll let you know how that goes! Nothing much else to say, I'm so tired.

Quicky, I'll update more BUT. . .

SOTO MEMBERS: WHY IS SOTO NOT WORKING?

Or is it just my macbook like freaking out and saying that SOTO is undergoing maintenance!?!? I'm freaking out.


Meanwhile I'm watching Burn Notice. Fi has the best body!

And she fails once again, what else is new?

Well, day one of ABC and I probably had over 900- even though it was a 500 day. Counting calories has always been an issue for me the past few months. In the beginning I was basically pro, I mean that is how my anorexia started anyways. I honestly don't know what I'm doing anymore, I give up on everything and I get these feelings all the time where I'm ready to let Ana go. But I know that's just my head messing with me. There is no way I can ever let Ana go, she's all I have left. I've been thinking a lot about when I was in treatment for 7 months as an inpatient. It was horrible. I've been watching the first season of Gossip Girl lately, I forgot how good it was. Although Serena's little brother, Eric, was in the treatment center for depression and how he tried to kill himself, it triggered so many forgotten memories of when I was there.

If anyone has trigger Ana tips, please comment or email me- my email is at the top of the page, and its beckera@albanyacademies.org but I honestly don't know what to do. I've been looking at thinspo so much lately but its not hitting me like it used to. I can not let Ana go but I feel like she wants to leave.

I'm forcing myself ABC. I'll do whatever it takes.

Past midnight

Its past midnight and I haven't slept all week, I've been up til 3 or 4 or 5 each night, and when I'm finally tired I have to blog. Or it will bug me to tears. So this is going to be short, but I have to make up for yesterday too because I didn't blog.

July 17-
grapes
peach
active start cerical- -w/milk included
dough
2 mile run
measurements
33
26
33
current weight
125.0

July 18
Honestly I'm too embarrassed.
Starting ABC tomorrow, it always works so well but I can never stick with it. This time I know I can. I just feel like I'm always running away from something and I always blame it on the stress of ABC. Not anymore.

Diary, diary, diary.

Since I can never get myself to stick with this and actually want to blog everyday- which I do, but I never get around to it. Its confusing. Anyways, I'm going to use it as my Food Diary and maybe blab about my day. Blah. The last week I stayed at my friend Miranda's house. We stayed up til 4 AM every night and basically slept all day until noon or one then swam or shopped. We had a really awkward eating pattern, usually just one mean a day with loads or Diet Pepsi- what I live on. I knew when I got home it would all change and I would be on my usual pattern again, which I hate. I have to say I did lose a lot while I was there. But it's halfway, slowly coming back. Today I did a salt water cleanse. I read on the internet that people usually throw up after or feel really sick. I have a tip for those out there who aren't fans of salt water. When I was little my parents forced me to drink milk. Ew. So they taught me a trick to plug my nose. You honestly can't taste anything. So that's what I did and it went down easily! Tomorrow I think I'm going to fast, and have a salad for dinner since I have to go out. Ugh.
Today I had (embarrassing):
- Turkey on pita
- Twizlers
- Tomato
- Mozerella
- Salt water. . .

Thats it, fuck my life.

Xoxo,
Ashleyy.


I reallly admire Heidi for doing what she did!