Well, day one of ABC and I probably had over 900- even though it was a 500 day. Counting calories has always been an issue for me the past few months. In the beginning I was basically pro, I mean that is how my anorexia started anyways. I honestly don't know what I'm doing anymore, I give up on everything and I get these feelings all the time where I'm ready to let Ana go. But I know that's just my head messing with me. There is no way I can ever let Ana go, she's all I have left. I've been thinking a lot about when I was in treatment for 7 months as an inpatient. It was horrible. I've been watching the first season of Gossip Girl lately, I forgot how good it was. Although Serena's little brother, Eric, was in the treatment center for depression and how he tried to kill himself, it triggered so many forgotten memories of when I was there.
If anyone has trigger Ana tips, please comment or email me- my email is at the top of the page, and its beckera@albanyacademies.org but I honestly don't know what to do. I've been looking at thinspo so much lately but its not hitting me like it used to. I can not let Ana go but I feel like she wants to leave.
I'm forcing myself ABC. I'll do whatever it takes.
Ana's all I have, too, love. You are not alone. Stay strong. Oh, and a couple of weeks ago I read Wasted by Marya Hornbacher. It is extremely triggering. Because I read that book, I have started purging again for the first time since January...
ReplyDeleteWow, does is encourage anorexia and bulimia or try and get people to prevent it? And thank you so much. We'll have to stick together.
ReplyDeleteYou were in in-patient for seven months?! I was in for two weeks. ):
ReplyDeleteHow do you manage to get away with this now, like do they make you get weighed monthly for them or something??